Alone but not lonely…

Tonight I feel a bit alone.  Not lonely…there is a difference.  With two rambunctious boys sharing my life, I am never lonely.  But feeling alone?  It hits me sometimes, without any rhyme or reason. 

From the ages of 22 to 48, I was with someone who loved me.  He was strong, forceful, a great Christian husband, daddy, and friend.  He took the reins.  He filled in the cracks of our lives, making each and every day one big happy adventure.  I was never alone.  Even whenever he travelled out of town, and I was left here to man the household and our sons, I felt safe.  Comforted in the fact that he was the head of our household, the man in charge.  The one with the big strong arms that would hold me if I needed him to.  He would be coming back, and whenever he entered the house, and his big thundering voice greeted the three of us, all was once again right in our little world.

Now it’s me.  And I’m not nearly as together as he was.  Never will be.  His self-confidence and awareness of his world, and of his place and mission in it were unmatched.  I’ve never known anyone else that could come close to that.

Maybe he knew, on some level, that he wouldn’t be around to relax and enjoy his golden years.  That’s why he packed more living into 55 years than most people do in 80 or more. 

But the aloneness I feel is selfish.  For I know, as a Christian, that I am never alone.  All I have to do is call out for God, and He’s there. 

“Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” 
Jeremiah 33:3
That’s the scripture that spoke to me tonight, as the pity party commenced in my room.  Both boys tucked away in their beds, prayers said, cuddles and kisses given.  It was time for me, and I felt horribly alone. 
Well, that was convenient, God.  Thank You for hitting me square between the eyes with that one.  Pity party over.  I may not have my husband beside me anymore, but I know better than to feel like I am alone. 
Good thing I have God’s number.  Maybe I should call Him on a more regular basis. 
I am ready to see the great and mighty things He has in store for me and my family.  I’ve caught a glimpse or two in passing…and it both scares and excites me, all at the same time.  I don’t think I am qualified—but He has other ideas.  He tells me that He will equip me for the tasks ahead.  All I have to do is trust Him.
Alone?  I will always have my moments.  But if I continue to immerse myself in His words, those moments will become less and less frequent.  Of that, I am sure. 
I have to trust that God will fill in the cracks of our lives.  He has the reins.  He will be the glue that holds my family together.  His strong arms are the ones that hold me whenever I feel I cannot go another step.  He makes each and every day of our lives a fun adventure. He is strong.  His presence in my house makes us feel that all is right in our little corner of the world once again. 
He.  Is.  Enough.

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