I came home to Texas after my She Speaks conference focused and ready to do whatever God had in His plan for me to do. I had the interest and business card of an assistant publisher to one of the most well-known Christian publishing houses. I had notes. I had new books. I had plans.
Here it is, two months later. And I have yet to email the publisher, even though she is awaiting my blog link, samples of my outdoor columns, and a possible idea for a book. I purchased mp3 recordings of several of the conference lectures, and have yet to download them.
What in the world happened in the interim? A lot. After returning to KY after my conference, the boys and I hurried home, where we spent less than 48 hours before heading north to KS for several days. It was a tough trip, and coincided with the one year observance of Mark’s death. He, of course, is buried there. His mom’s farmhouse was in the process of being emptied, so it can be readied for rental. In a previous lifetime, Mark and I were going to retire to that house. Plans changed drastically.
Made it back to TX again around the first of August. I think it took a good two weeks for us to get everything unloaded from our travel vehicle, much less put away. With school on the calendar for the 27th, we kicked it into high gear, buying school supplies and necessary clothing items. You see, my boys grew quite a bit this summer, so most all of their clothes and shoes were too small.
In the midst of my day to day existence, I injured the ankle, and was put out of normal commission for almost two months.
When I read all of these reasons above, it just makes me shake my head. Life got in the way. It got in the way of pursuing what I know, deep within my heart of hearts, God wants me to pursue. There will always be excuses to keep from doing what needs to be done.
There are innumerable household projects to be completed. Two boys’ bedrooms must be emptied completely so that painting can occur. New furniture awaits in Home Zone’s warehouse, waiting on my call to give the thumbs up to deliver. Old furniture must be dissassembled and either given away or taken to a storage unit. By the way, I am now paying rent on storage units in two states–Kansas and Texas. What in the world is up with that? Whenever housing is built for us in Kansas, I’m hoping to consolidate the storage contents and get rid of both rental units.
Normal fall activities have begun, including orchestra and piano for Ben, and school choir for AJ. Both are involved in church on Wednesdays, as am I. One look at our calendar shows that we tend to be overbooked, no matter how hard we try to do otherwise.
And my house? Clutter. Clutter everywhere. Storage boxes containing childhood memories of Mark’s, office items, textbooks, etc. are everywhere. Boy stuff is in various stages of sorting–outgrown clothes & toys to Goodwill, a few items for nostalgia’s sake to storage, and a plethora of junk to throw away.
But the clutter is standing in my way. Physically preventing me from following my dreams. My plans that God has for me. Just in the same manner as the former acquaintance raised Cain about my worth as a Christian in July, spreading copious untruths about me before I headed to North Carolina, these inanimate objects, strewn throughout my home, are making me second-guess my dreams today.
And just as I decided in July that the trials I went through were orchestrated by the devil to dissuade me from going to NC, I’ve realized the clutter in my house is doing the same thing…keeping me occupied so that I continue to leave the requests for columns, blog links, book proposals, and syndication packets on the back burner.
What am I going to do about it? Well, I think the realization that there is a problem is a big step in the right direction. The world won’t come to an end because I have unfolded clothes in a heap on my floor. My boys won’t be scarred permanently from temporarily sleeping on mattresses on their bedroom floors, while the new furniture awaits my painting the corresponding walls.
I will do more of what I know I should be doing. Praying. Studying my Bible. Reading some of those wonderful books I brought back in July (one on organization of clutter is a God-send!)> Spending quiet time, each and every day, just sitting still and listening…so that I can hear when God is talking to me. I want more than anything to keep my heart and mind on Jesus.