A random act of kindness…on Valentine’s Day

This was destined to be another low-key holiday, similar to most any other day in my household. At least for the past few years, since we’ve left elementary school behind, Valentine’s Day is just another day.

No more school parties overrun with cupcakes, candy, hand-decorated shoe boxes, and valentine cards. I miss watching boys painstakingly choose and address cards to each classmate, using an official homeroom roster as guide.

I even miss the inevitable sugar rush that followed school dismissal, along with excitement shared over the loot received.
Thus far our family has been a “girlfriend-free” zone. We’ve stood fifteen years without any relationship drama—I’m betting this is the last Valentine’s Day I can claim such a distinction.

With a freshman and an eighth grader, it’s not a matter of “if,” but “when” they begin the pursuit of romantic relationships. I haven’t discouraged them, instead encouraging them to wait as long as possible.

Once you dip your toes in the water, there’s no going back. The absence of girls hanging around has just given me a longer run as my sons’ favorite female.
I’m not going to sugarcoat the fact special days such as today are difficult. Guessing they always will be.

I dread this holiday more than most. I would much rather avoid it all together.

Opposed to love and relationships? Nope. Nothing could be further from the truth.
When you’ve had a great love and lost it, whether to death or divorce or some other sort of separation, these days are tough. To armchair therapists, sitting on the sidelines with no personal experience of a love lost, who say time heals, I emphatically call “hogwash.”

Healing occurs, but it leaves behind a scar.

It’s a constant reminder of what you had.

Add in non-stop Valentine’s ads for jewelry, candy, flowers, alongside seemingly-perfect couples and you can see where I’m coming from.

Last Friday, I drove to Denison, Texas, to watch my freshman’s basketball game. He has my promise I will never miss being courtside nor in the stands when he is playing.

So far I’ve kept my end of the bargain; I plan on continuing throughout his high school career. The extended drive time gives me ample opportunity to think. And listen to music non-stop.

That can be a problem whenever you’re missing a special someone, the person who used to do all the driving. And made all big family decisions seem like child’s play.

All that, coupled with the approaching holiday, got me feeling pretty low.

I won’t lie, tears flow most of the way home.

The younger son comforts me the best he can. We make it home safely, even with the crying, nose blowing, and snorting.

Anticipating a delivery of a much-needed laptop briefcase that day, I walk around to our front door from the garage.

In the fuzzy glow of the street light, I can see my package, but also glimpse something else.

The distinct outline of flowers.
A beautiful nosegay of roses and gerbera daisies waits, along with a note and envelope.

flowers

I can hardly believe my eyes.

A closer inspection under indoor lighting gives me pause—there’s no name.

The sweet note explains this is a Valentine’s Day random act of kindness; I am the first person who came to this person’s mind. Their words touch me deeply. A spa pedicure certificate is also attached.
On a day when I feel alone and somewhat unlovable, I get an unexpected gift—from a person I can’t even properly thank due to their anonymity.

They may never know how their gesture threw a life preserver to me in the midst of a sea of Valentine sensory overload.

If you’re responsible for my surprise, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You have singlehandedly restored my faith in the intrinsic kindness of people.

My wish is for everyone—single, unattached, or otherwise—to experience the same. I will most definitely be paying it forward.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

“Happily ever after??”

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The reality is you have no idea where your life will take you tomorrow. You are like a mist that appears one moment and then vanishes another.

James 4:14 (VOICE)

“And they lived happily ever after… The End.”

How many times have you seen the above words, either at the close of a fairy tale or the end of a movie?

How many times have you, as a parent, read a story to your children that concluded in this manner?

Attention, people of Earth:  There is no such thing as “happily ever after” this side of Heaven.

It’s a crock, a pie-in-the-sky term which plays to our romantic side and wistful daydreaming.

No one, no matter how lovely the life or the relationship or the family, lives happily ever after.  “Happily ever after” gives a false sense of security, a technicolor existence that can never live up to those three words.

“Ever afters” eventually come to an end.

And endings are not pretty, at least the ones I’ve experienced in my life.

Endings are messy.  The majority are not wanted by at least one of the parties involved.

Endings may evoke sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, and anger.  They may cause great pain.  Lives are forever changed by endings.

Death is the ending feared most by the human race.  But let’s face it by taking the bull by the horns.   We’re going to die some day.  As James so eloquently puts it, we’re like a mist, a vapor–here today, gone tomorrow.

Endings are inevitable.  We cannot get around them.

Embrace that reality.  Incorporate it into your daily living.

The sooner that simple fact sinks in to our sometimes-thick skulls, the sooner we can go about the business of living “happily every day.”

Whether you like it or not, at some point in your life (or at many points in your life), an ending you’re not prepared for will occur.

Your “happily ever after” stops.

The best way to deal with the reality of endings is to live fully in the moment.

Every minute of every day, every day of every month, year after year after year–don’t take your happy for granted.

Choose it.  Live it.  Experience it.  Love it.

Instead of happily ever after, live happily every day.

Then when “the end” comes, you can face it with no regrets.

God may very well give you more than you can handle—that’s why you need Him.

Any temptation you face will be nothing new. But God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can handle. But He always provides a way of escape so that you will be able to endure and keep moving forward.  1 Corinthians 10:13 (VOICE)

If I see one more quote or social media meme with the flowery, lovely phrase,

God won’t give you more than you can handle,”

I. Will. Scream.

No where (let me repeat that–NO WHERE!) in the Bible are these words found.  This sugary coated phrase must have originally come from a poor interpretation of the passage above.

Give. Me. A. Break.

Life is messy.

We, as mortals, as humans of free choice, created in God’s glorious image, made sure of that.   Way back in the beginning, in Eden, we had it made.

Everything man and woman could want or desire was at our fingertips.

God was such a good friend that He came and walked in the garden with Adam and Eve.

Imagine that.  God, visiting.  God calling out to us, by name.

But were we satisfied?  Nope.

You know the story.

Temptation.

A chance to know everything God knows turned out to be the beginning of the end of perfection, at least this time around on the planet.

So, instead of living in a perfect place, surrounded with everything we could possibly want or need?  We struggle.

We live in a broken world.

Broken people, broken promises, broken homes, broken hearts.

Life is not fair.

To reduce God to a Deity that willingly and purposely piles on–excuse the word–crap to see how much we can bear?  Blasphemy in my humble opinion.

Life is about choices.  A multitude of them, put in our paths every. single. stinking. day.

The God I serve didn’t take away my loving husband on purpose.

He didn’t intentionally take away a dad from two little boys who desperately needed him.

He’s not up in heaven, checking my status updates, seeing just how much more can be heaped on my plate before I hit maximum capacity.

Because, believe me, dear friends, that plate has tipped over many days, and I’ve thrown up my hands in frustration at my circumstances.

The Bible says He will not allow you to be TEMPTED beyond what you can handle.  That’s an important distinction.

What He does give is the strength, perseverance, and grace to handle what you have.

Until He comes again, in the glorious form of His Son, life will be full of tough stuff.

Brokenness will be the norm, not the exception.

But the brokenness and the strife found in day-to-day living can forge a beauty and a strength which has no limit.

For it’s in the brokenness where we find what we are truly made of.

It’s in the trials we catch a glimmer of the original perfection in the creation God intended us to be.

And until He sends His Son to restore this ugly, sticky, sinful mess of ours into what His original blueprint designated, we will more than likely have more than we can handle.

Saying and believing anything else is just flowery, feel good “Christianity.”

I’m now crawling off of my soapbox and heading out for my morning run.

Together, God and I will handle whatever the world throws at me today, because I cling to the promise that He will help me to not only endure, but also Keep. Moving. Forward.

I’m counting on it.

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Wandering in the desert

It’s mid July.  And it’s hot here in Wichita Falls.  Not hot enough to qualify as a desert, thank-you-very-much, but hot enough for this Kentucky native.

I’ve been absent from this, my “first love” in writing, for months.

But no more.  I’ve come to realize that I cannot be all things to all people, and I’ve re-aligned my commitments and priorities.  As much as I loved being a part of both A Widow’s Might and aNew Season ministries, those responsibilities were beginning to keep me from this, my first love.  I will never be able to express adequately both my love and my thanks to a group of women I worked alongside for 3 years.

Because of that opportunity, I am now a published contributing author, part of 4 seasonal widows’ devotionals (http://www.amazon.com/Love-HER-Life-Devotions-Ministries/dp/1499676255/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1436980258&sr=8-1&keywords=for+the+love+of+her+life).

Because of that opportunity, I have grown spiritually by leaps and bounds.  I have discovered a sisterhood of women, all part of the club no one wants to join.

But God is calling me to follow in a new direction.  One that I am so not equipped for.     He assures me He will do the necessary equipping, as needed.

I’ve argued with Him, asking:

“Are You sure, God?”

Questioned His nudging:

“Do You really think I can do this?”

Attempted to barter with Him (yes, I know, not a good idea!):

“Just let me keep doing what I’m doing, at least until xxx date.  Then, I’ll be ready to take the plunge.”

He’s having none of it.  So I finally surrendered.  Cried “uncle.” Threw in the towel.

I’m listening.  No more excuses, no more one-sided arguments.

God’s a great negotiator.  He ALWAYS wins.

Another chapter in the re-invention of Nancy has begun.

I don’t know how my story will end. Heavens, I don’t even know what tomorrow will bring.

But surprisingly, I’m not worried.

The best Author ever is in charge of writing it.

The one thing I do know for sure is that it certainly won’t be boring.

All for His glory, that’s my motto.

 This is what the scripture says:

“If you hear God’s voice today,
    do not be stubborn, as your ancestors were
    when they rebelled against God.”

Who were the people who heard God’s voice and rebelled against him?

All those who were led out of Egypt by Moses.

With whom was God angry for forty years?

With the people who sinned, who fell down dead in the desert. 

When God made his solemn promise, “They will never enter the land where I would have given them rest”—of whom was he speaking? Of those who rebelled. We see, then, that they were not able to enter the land, because they did not believe.  

Hebrews 3:15-19 (GNT)

Equip me, God.  Enough to get through today.  No more wandering in the desert, I promise.  Nine months is my limit.  My thirst is parched, my soul hungry for You.  I know You are enough.

Tomorrow, we’ll do it again.  And again the next day….until I’m who You want me to be.

love, Nancy